Friday, September 23, 2022

Seasons of Parenting: Best advice I have been given

 One area of seasons that has especially been on my mind recently is that of the seasons we go through as parents.  I vividly remember being about 8 months pregnant with our first and sitting in a rocking chair in the newly decorated nursery.  I sat wondering who he would be, what he would look like.  Now as I write this he sits across from me working on online college classes preparing to start a new job.  In the time from then to now my life has looked very different than I had planned or envisioned it being.  

When I got married the "plan" was to have two kids; stay home with them until they started school and then work part-time in a job that would still allow me to be home with them when they were not in school.  Now, over 20 years later we have six children; thankfully I have been able to be a stay at home mom for all of that time. Our youngest just started kindergarten this year so I am entering another season of parenting.  It's a time of transition and I'm seeking God for what he would have me do.  I'm finding that even with them all in school there is still a lot of work here at home and, in some ways, I feel that my days are even busier.  

As I've been thinking about these seasons of parenting (several of which I'm still in) and reflecting on the advice (both helpful and critical/unhelpful) that I have been given over the years.  I'm extremely thankful for the helpful and encouraging advice others have shared with me.  Below are nine of the best pieces of advice that I return to over and over.

Best parenting advice I've been given over the years:

1) Pray for your kids! - Pray that they will come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Pray for them to be grounded in the Truths of the Bible. A common prayer I also have is that God would protect them from my failings; that my mistakes would not lead them astray. 

2) Follow your own child's rhythms and needs; which may well be different for each child. - As parents we encourage our kids that they are made unique by a Loving Father who gave them every detail of their personalities but as parents it can be a challenge sometimes to remember this awesome fact.  There is no "one size fits all" parenting formula.  Prayerfully consider how to parent each of your children in their uniqueness.

3) You've done this before but your child hasn't.  - This was advice given to me by a lactation consultant after the birth of our 6th child.  She was the smallest at birth of any of our kids and, unlike our other kids, was having a bit of trouble getting the hang of nursing.  I said to the lactation consultant "she's my sixth I've nursed them all" and she gave the above words of wisdom. I knew how to nurse my kids but this baby had never done it before.  This wisdom has been helpful when I start to get frustrated when one of the kids just "isn't getting it" or is getting frustrated.   I've already lived through those ages, I know how things work and how they should act/react/accomplish a task but this is their first time being that age.  This thinking has allowed me to grant grace to myself as well as my kids.  

4) Stop everything for awhile and then start again. - When I was potty training our oldest child I was frustrated that he wasn't seeming to progress; a mom friend, who already had 6 children of her own, said "if he's not progressing at all after a week, put everything away and try again in a few months".  I have followed that advice in potty training all my kids.  Some trained earlier than others but when they were ready they all trained in a week.  While it's not always possible to just stop and set aside a situation for a month it is a good reminder to pause and remember that each child will develop on their own timeline.  And sometimes both mom and kiddo need a break, even if just for a few minutes.

5) No matter when your kid wants to talk, take the time. - Another mom friend with kids a few years older than our oldest, gave this advice.  She shared how that her girls would come in late at night and want to talk and how that she learned how important it was to them that she was there at the end of their day to process things they may have faced that day or week.  As a mom, with older and younger kids this is an important reminder.  Yes, I've had nights where a teen was up talking to me until 1am and then I needed to be up at 6am when the toddler woke up.  Some days will be more tiring than others but the window into your child's heart, knowing how to better pray for them and walking with them through those hard times are of far more value than an extra few hours of sleep. 

6) Recognize that you can to everything "right" and still have a child who wanders. - Adam and Eve had the Perfect Parent & instruction and still sinned.  We have an immense amount of influence on our kids but we cannot control their faith walk.  We need to be faithful in our walk with God and again, pray for them.  

7) Every stage of parenting will have beautiful aspects and challenging ones. - We've all heard of the "terrible two's" the "threenager" and of course how horrible parenting teens will be.  Every stage is a season, while the challenges of each will most often resolve as they learn and grow; the unique beauty of that time will also fade into memory.  Enjoy each season as a time of growth not only for your child but for you as a parent. 

8) Under every behavior is a feeling and under that feeling is a need or desire. - Years ago I was given a book titled Shepherding Your Child's Heart; to be honest I never did get far into the book but I did appreciate the truth that there is much more to your child's behavior than just outward action.  Sometimes their desires will be healthy and sometimes unhealthy.  Finding the heart of their behavior allows you to teach them that feelings aren't necessarily good or bad but it's what you choose to do with those feelings that lead to sin or making good choices.  One helpful exercise is to teach them about when Jesus showed intense emotion, yet did not sin.  Or taking them to the Psalms to see how David had really strong feelings but brought them to God and was able to change his focus from worldly things to God.  

9) No matter what happens; when your kids think of you make sure they see Jesus. -  This thought was from an instagram post I saw awhile ago.  I was going through a really rough time dealing with some of those intense "mom" fears.  The post with this quote basically said; you cannot control the future and your worst fears may come true but parent each day so that if those fears came true your kids would see Jesus when they thought about you or looked back on their life with you.  This is such a great reminder to take each day as it comes and to, one day at a time, strive to show Jesus to your kids.

 

Is there any parenting wisdom that you have been given over the years? One that you keep going back to over and over? 

Once again, closing with a new-to-me song titled Living in Your Goodness have a listen and take some time to meditate on the truth of the Goodness of what Jesus has done.




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