Awhile ago I wrote a post titled Seasons of Parenting: Best advice I have been given since then I've had some notes on marriage jotted down on my phone so I thought I'd share them. I'm certainly no marriage expert and have days when I fail miserably; I'm thankful for the grace extended to me by both God and my husband. In a world where emotion and self are often elevated to the highest priority let's remember the beauty of dying to self as we choose to rely on God, His wisdom and truth, and rejoice in the beauty of marriage!
10 Tips for Building into your Marriage:
1) Pray for your husband! - You are uniquely positioned to pray for your husband. Not only to pray for challenges he might face but also to express your gratitude for him and pray blessing over him. Praying for your husband refocuses your mind on the unique person who you have been joined to by God. (side note: I highly recommend the book The Power of A Praying Wife) (Philippians 1:3-6)
2) Remember you are NOT the Holy Spirit! - This truth is one I heard more recently and has really shaped how I pray. We need to leave everything in God's hands. We were never meant to act as the Holy Spirit to our spouses...we can pray for them, support them, and love them dearly but we can't and should never try, to control them or change them. We are responsible to live before God faithfully and commit our husbands & marriage to Him and His will. (John 1:20, 1 Peter 3:1)
3) Don't gossip about your husband! - It is so common today to see wives posting all sorts of things about their husbands on social media. This is so harmful! If you are in a dire situation in your marriage and need counsel then yes, absolutely find a trusted, godly confidant to share and get counsel. Blasting your husband and airing all on social media tears down your husband and your household. If you have children it also breeds disrespect. (Proverbs 14:1, Ephesians 5:33, Proverbs 11:13)
4) Communicate clearly, Ask Questions! - I think this is one that is a lifelong learning process. Communication can be hard in any situation! It can be so easy to misunderstand or be misunderstood; give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Be clear, be direct, don't hint. Find the right time to speak. Be respectful of both privacy (don't air everything in front of your kids) and timing (is your spouse tired, overwhelmed); especially with hard conversations. (Ephesians 4:29, also see how Esther handled communication in Esther chapters 5 & 7)
5) Get out alone together/ plan dates! - This will definitely look different at different stages of marriage but it's SO important to have time out without the kids. Time to talk, to do activities you enjoyed before kids. Even if you have to stay at home there are numerous ways to just set aside time to prioritize each other. Your kids will grow up and move away; remember to prioritize your marriage! (Romans 12:9-10)
6) Remember your vows were before God...commit to stay faithful to Him! - Marriage is a holy covenant made before God. Just as in any relationship there will be mountaintop moments and there will be times of conflict. Your number one priority in your marriage; as in every area of life, should be to stay faithful to God. He will lead you through any circumstance just keep your eyes on Him! (Hebrews 10:23)
7) Love is a choice & commitment; not just a feeling! - So often we hear "I just didn't love him anymore", "I just wasn't feeling it anymore", "I need to go find my happiness." as justification for women leaving their marriages. As I often tell my kids "feelings are real but it does not mean they are true!" Feelings come and go; our hearts can be deceitful...we must rely on God for He is greater than our hearts. (Jeremiah 17:9, 1 John 3:20)
8) Your husband is NOT your enemy! - This one goes with the previous point. Our feelings can be deceitful and the devil loves to breed conflict within our marriages. After all, marriage is the closest earthly picture we have of Christ and His great love for the church. The devil wants to destroy that! We need to remember that our enemy is always prowling and that our enemy is not flesh & blood/ a person. (1 Peter 5:8, Ephesians 6:12)
9) Have fun! Be Silly! - Do you remember when you first started dating your husband? How you had fun, talked for hours, laughed, were spontaneous and did silly things? Keep doing that! Yes, it will change a bit over time and seasons of life but keep having fun! Don't let the cares of this world steal your joy. We can rejoice every day because God has made that day! If marriage is the closest earthly picture of our relationship with Christ; then we certainly shouldn't be miserable or joyless! In John 15:1-12 Jesus tells what it means to abide in Him, to bear fruit for Him. As we live for Him and abide in Him He brings joy to every aspect of our lives....including our marriages!
10) Marriage has seasons! - Just like every area of life, marriage has seasons. Learn from the challenges, enjoy the beauty, and rest in the Sovereignty of God in each season. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
Do you have any tips or advice that you have found helpful in marriage?
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