At the beginning of Lent I thought I knew what God wanted me to focus on. I would give up Facebook and focus on weeding out material possessions and simplifying our home thru less stuff and more streamlined meal plans. Over the past few weeks God has shown me how small my sights were set.
First, it was the realization of how much in life is simply noise; literally and figuratively. It was humbling to realize how much of my time was focused on answering the dings and rings of notifications from my phone. Turning off Facebook quieted the majority of those interruptions; and you know what, it was calming, freeing.
Next, I found myself reflecting on those possessions, but not on how many but on what they said about me. My grandmother was recently admitted to a nursing home and while helping to clean out her apartment I thought, who would someone see if they walked thru my house without knowing anything about me? What does my home reflect? What does it show as my priorities? What is truly important to pass on to my kids? To use for ministry to others? And what would those who know me see as worth keeping?
A little less than two weeks ago I received a phone call saying that my sister in law had passed away unexpectedly. She was just a few weeks past her 40th birthday and, while she had struggled with health issues, what took her was completely unrelated to those issues. I won't say a lot about our relationship other than that I always struggled to love her. She and I never meshed well. There's nothing like an untimely death to make one take a long hard look at how they're living and her's has really turned my focus on my wrong attitudes and reactions.
I fully admit that I have a hard time being loving to all people; to having that impartiality that the Bible teaches in the book of James. I can be reactionary. In fact, a couple months ago i started an inductive study titled "God's love alive in you" by Kay Arthur (I'm still slowly making my way thru this study). I recognize that this is an area that I need a lot of growth in. Over the past couple weeks I've thought a lot about my relationship with my sister in law. It was work for me to be around her. I would pray, plan out conversations and then something would be said and I'd react badly and fail.
God is teaching me, showing me that people like my sister in law are there to be the iron sharpening iron. To be the sandpaper rubbing off the rough edges and polishing so that each of us can better reflect His image. So, yes. I'm grateful for the time I knew her and for how God used her in my life, for the rough spots that she showed me that still need work. Namely, the fact that I need to see each person how God sees them, with the value and care that He has for them.
There are still plenty of "sandpaper people" (check out the book "Sandpaper People", it's excellent!) in my life and I'm sure I'll fail over and over but my prayer is that by God's grace and strength His love would increase in my heart and pour out to those around me. That I would become less as He becomes more.
If you've read this far in my ramblings, thank you. I would ask for your prayers as I continue on this journey and also for my brother as he adjusts to life without his wife and as a single dad. I'd like to end this post by sharing a song that has really spoken to me about what it means to be God's love to the world.
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