My thoughts (ramblings) on parenting

So, yesterday I took a quiz on the internet called “How many kids should you have” my results were that I should only have one child because that's all I'm cut out for. I laughed and posted about it on Facebook. As the day went on I kept thinking about the quiz. It seems that a lot of these quizzes (and internet articles in general) assume that if you have several kids you will never get a shower, will let yourself go physically, will never have time for your marriage and will never be able to eat a balanced meal, much less actually cook that balanced meal.

I'm certainly no expert and I fail miserably as a mom many times but here are my not-so-expert thougths on this.

1. I would agree that I'm not “cut out” for more than 1 kid; goodness I'm probably not cut out for even one. I love to travel, to be spontaneous, have fun, go on an adventure. Growing up I was never one to like kids, I had no interest in babysitting or babies in general. To this day I've never gotten “baby fever” and I can only take other people's kids in short doses. You see, the five kids we have are God's way of showing me that I really can't do anything without his strength. It's amazing to see how God takes the things we're no good at and shows us what He can do with those things. It's only thru His strength that I'm able to parent my kids, I mess up but His grace covers me. It's humbling to admit how many times I've had to apologize to my kids but you know what, I've never regretted apologizing and they've come to know that I'll mess up but I love them enough to admit when I'm wrong and ask forgiveness. I love my kids more than I ever thought I could love anyone.

2. As for getting a daily shower; everyone has their thing (or set of things) that matter, that they have to do to feel human. For me, that's showering. No matter what is going on if I don't get a daily shower I just don't feel like I can face the day well. So yes, even with a newborn, toddler, etc. I still shower every day, it is possible :) But you know what, sometimes other things get left undone and that's okay! Prioritize and do what works best for your family, not what some blog, or quiz says you should do.

3. Another thing that has become important to me is exercise. I never used to exercise but shortly before Titus turned 2 I decided I needed to do something to lose the last of the baby weight I was still carrying around. I found something I enjoyed and set goals. I grew to love my daily exercise, it was a time to just focus on accomplishing a goal. I have so much more energy when I exercise, I feel better mentally too. So now I fit some exercise in several days a week. Is it always easy to find the time, no. Before Amy was born I was getting up between 5-5:30AM to go exercise before getting the kids up for school. Now I exercise after they go to bed. Bedtime for me is usually around 11PM. I'm not saying this to sound prideful but to show that time management is everything. And you know what, I still fail often at being consistent but each new morning is another chance to move forward.

4. Marriage: I've heard the saying that the best gift you can give your kids is a healthy marriage. I completely agree! Matt is my best friend, I love spending time with him. He and our marriage come before the kids; he is a higher priority to me. Yes, when we have a newborn in the house my time is skewed more to the baby side but as soon as possible that balance gets shifted back. More than anything my kids need to see that their parents love God and love each other, they need to see two people who respect each other, who communicate, they need to learn that while we love them completely our world does not revolve around them, that it is more important to focus on others rather than on themselves, to be helpful and supportive. So, we still date each other, we let our kids see us being silly, getting dressed up to go out together and they get excited about us going out so they can hang out with their favorite baby sitter(s).
5. Again, with the meals, it's so much a matter of planning and time management. Before each of my kids were born (except our first) I packed my freezer with meals I had made ahead, simple but nutritious meals that kept us from ordering out; which is not only nutritionally bad but also gets expensive fast. Meal planning and using a slow cooker are my top tips for getting yummy, healthy meals on the table almost every night (tonight we ordered pizza; it's all about balance :) ). I also survey the troops every week or two to see if they have any meal requests or ideas.

So you see, it is possible to have several kids and still manage to function like a normal person. I would add that attitude is 90% of the battle. Choosing to focus on the positive, what God has provided, to be grateful and to accept His grace and forgiveness when you fail. To get back up. No, my home is not perfect, I fail daily; I often forget to focus on the positive, I get upset because things aren't “my way”, sheets don't get washed as often as they should, dust collects in corners. I admit, I'm not cut out for all these kids; but each of my kids is a blessing, a gift, they are worth more than any perfect house, and they have a unique, God-given purpose and so I choose daily, often moment-by-moment to be used by God to raise these kids that I never expected.

The next time you take a quiz, read a blog, puruse a parenting website remember that whether or not you feel adequate as a parent, God is far wiser and far stronger and that He is the ultimate parent and will guide you whether you have one child or many children because he knows you and them best.

“For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.”

1 Corinthans 1:25

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13