Postscript to a poem

Yesterday I shared the poem titled "The Rose".  I love the message behind the words...only God can perfectly orchestrate the events in our lives.  In truth though, more often than not I struggle with this.  I fight against God.  I ask why and I mourn the loss of what I had dreamed.

I know in my head that God's way is perfect, that he has known me since before all time - knows me better than I know myself - yet I still fight.  The illusion of control is strong and I want to plan everything, control everything.  It's hard to trust!  I trust people and they disappoint me, hurt me.  The trouble is I tend to put God on this same level,  will he hurt me?  disappoint me?  He takes my plans & dreams and turns them upside down.  Can I really trust enough to say "Yes" and wait for Him to reveal how everything has been for my best (even if I have to wait until Heaven?).  It's tough to "let go and let God" it's tough to realize that all my "perfect" plans have been thrown out the window and ultimately to realize, once again, that control is just an illusion.  I was reading a book recently and came across this quote.

"Lament is a cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts,

a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty.  Complaint is the bitter howl

of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat

of the Father's heart." ~Ann Voskamp

It was a great reminder to me that my complaints are unbelief in God's goodness and a distrust in His love for me.  This lead to another thought; if I'm distrusting God who am I trusting in...ultimately myself, my plans...how prideful!  

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is in Ezekiel.  The Israelites have chosen to worship other gods and God is speaking to them about all He has done for them.  How He loves them and why their unfaithfulness is so hurtful to Him.  It has been a challenge to me that when I serve the gods of self & pride -when I think I can do a better job with my life - I am hurting the one who loved me so much that He sacrificed His Son so He could spend eternity with me. (I John 4:10)  This passage is also such an encouragement; I've read the following passage many times when I just need to hear that He loves me even when I'm unlovely, that He accepts me, finds me beautiful, cares for every detail of my life and heals every hurt I face.  Yes, life is hard.  I will have times of fighting God but I pray those times become less as I realize that while I can lament the ugly/unpleasant things in my life I can always trust that God is good and that He loves me...always!

Ezekiel 16:4-14

And as for your birth, on the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you, nor rubbed with salt, nor wrapped in swaddling cloths. ⁵ No eye pitied you, to do any of these things to you out of compassion for you, but you were cast out on the open field, for you were abhorred, on the day that you were born.

⁶ “And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, ‘Live!’ I said to you in your blood, ‘Live!’ ⁷ I made you flourish like a plant of the field. And you grew up and became tall and arrived at full adornment. Your breasts were formed, and your hair had grown; yet you were naked and bare.
⁸ “When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine. ⁹ Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil. ¹⁰I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with fine leather. I wrapped you in fine linen and covered you with silk^{, 11} And I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. ¹² And I put a ring on your nose and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. ¹³ Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour and honey and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. ¹⁴ And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God.