A quick thought on 1 Peter 3:4. This verse has always been one I've struggled a bit with. While I'm quiet around people I don't know, once I'm comfortable I'm not a quiet person. I love to talk, laugh, have fun, etc. Growing up I struggled with feeling like my personality was "wrong" or "less than" in some way because of this.
Last year I read the book Having a Mary Heart in A Martha World one of the beautiful things I noticed was that both when Jesus first met Martha and the last recorded meeting between them, she was serving. Her personality, her gifts, were not seen as bad or something she needed to give up; it was her attitude in doing those things. God has made us each unique and didn't make a mistake in making some of us with "louder" personalities.
So, what does all of this have to do with 1 Peter 3:4? Let's look at the verse and then there are two words I want to expand on a bit.
I'm not sure if I heard preaching this way or if it was something I inferred from other messages; but I always saw this verse as telling women to be a bit "mousy" to be small, to not give strong opinions or to never be boisterous. I don't believe that is what this verse is saying at all. Let's look at the words gentle (sometimes translated as meek) and quiet.
Gentle is translated from the word, praus, this word means "strength shown with reserve" or as the Biblehub lexicon puts it "Biblical meekness is not weakness but rather refers to exercising God's strength under His control. -- i.e. demonstrating power without undue harshness."
We are to demonstrate our God-given
strength in a controlled way, without harshness. This verse presupposes
that we are believers so we do in fact have God-given strength. This
is referring to how we live that out, our attitude. Our strength of
spirit! In all this we must submit ourselves to be under God's control.
The next word I wanted to look at is quiet. Quiet is translated from the word, hésuchios, this word means "calmly, quiet" being "appropriately tranquil by not misusing (or overusing) words that would stir up needless friction (destructive commotion)." There is also the idea in this word of being calm, still, settled because of a "divinely inspired inner calmness".
Having a quiet spirit means we are settled, calm because we have God. For me, it was a great reminder that I don't need to overuse words trying to make sure I'm never misunderstood. I'm not to use words, or keep talking when it would just cause needless friction.
In both these words there is an understanding that we will talk, we should talk. Have fun, be boisterous, we can share our thoughts and opinions, even if we are passionate about them, but
be very aware of how you use your words. In all things we are to be
seeking God's wisdom for what to say, how to say it and when to stop
speaking or stay quiet.
Am I expressing my beliefs and opinions in a harsh manner?
Am
I trying to settle arguments or misunderstanding in my own strength? or
am I relying on God's strength? Should I even be trying to settle this,
or should I hold my tongue and give it to God?
Am I using harsh words in dealing with my kids? When I exercise my God-given authority?
Am I overusing words that might "stir up needless friction"?
This passage is speaking to wives; am I being harsh with my husband?
Am
I venting all my thoughts just to be heard? Get my own way? Or are my
words helpful, encouraging, under the control of God's strength?
Two other verses came to mind while writing out the questions:
"When words are many transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent."
Proverbs 10:19
"A fool gives full vent to his spirit,
but a wise man quietly holds it back."
Proverbs 29:11
**my normal disclaimer. I'm not a Bible scholar, I'm still learning. If you've studied this out more and see anything that seems off with Scripture, please comment, I'm always willing to learn. I only ask that you be kind, and that you substantiate your thoughts with Scripture **
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